To all those reading this that sincerely wanted to see how Chris Hemsworth’s Huntsman became the lost soul of “Snow White and the Huntsman” I must ask, was it worth it? And did it make any sense to you? If you can answer these questions honestly without a snide remark of any kind, I’ll take back all the bad things I’m about to say.
Round 1 – The Plot
If you can, imagine a crossover where the Evil Queen of Narnia came up against a married Thor and Merida from Brave in a battle to prove that love truly does overcome all odds. If that seems too far fetched, then I’d suggest giving this film a very wide berth. With a plot that both doesn’t take itself seriously while at the same time over emphasising its self-importance, writers Evan Spiliotopoulos and Craig Mazin have managed to turn an uninteresting story from Huntsman 1, in to a even blander shade of boring
ROUND 1 SCORE – HUNTSMAN LOSES 10-7
Round 2 – The Characters
I am genuinely at a loss of words when it comes to the Characters of “The Huntsman”. Chris Hemsworth is clearly sharpening his teeth as a Hollywood’s go to guy for the Big Guy with the Big Heart. His charisma only just manages to carry the story to its non-descript finale.
Emily Blunt’s Elsa/White Witch/Ice Queen fails to show any conviction as a credible villain. Jessica Chastain clearly goes through the motions and Charlize Theron’s purpose in this film only seems to be to divert the audience back towards the British sweetheart image Blunt currently holds.
Finally, the “Comic Relief” is neither comic or relief. Nick Frost, Rob Brydon, Sheridan Smith and generic British actor D spend their time on screen unenthusiastically quipping against one another, going from calling each other wankers to forcing a sentimental end to their “arc”
ROUND 2 SCORE – HUNTSMAN LOSES 10-7
Round 3 – Overall Enjoyment
By the opening of round 3, it didn’t look good for The Huntsman. Stumbling and stuttering across the screen it appeared as though a light breeze would finish the contest for good. Only a KO would now result in a victory. It’s no surprise this didn’t happen!
There was no enjoyment to be had during this whole matchup. To say that I zoned out at least once would be an understatement. The Huntsman fails on even the most simplistic form of entertainment. If this were a genuine fight, The Huntsman would have smelling salts being waved under its nose after the 1st round.
ROUND 3 RESULT – HUNTSMAN LOSES 10-7
In conclusion, The Huntsman is as close to an early round TKO defeat you could get. The mere fact that this film even exists is enough of a reason to be pissed, but if you feel compelled to see this film through, do so with a large bottle of whatever alcoholic drink you enjoy and make sure you are hammered by the time the Generic English jesters begin their teeth-pullingly painful back and forth.
FINAL RESULT – THE HUNTSMAN LOSES BY TKO (30-21)